Of Hummingbirds and Heaven

Today, I stepped onto the back porch to refill our hummingbird feeder, which had dwindled to about half-full. As soon as I took it down and turned it over to refill it, a little green hummingbird zoomed in from seemingly out of nowhere and hovered expectantly, as if saying both, "Hurry up!" and "Dibs!"

It was only about a foot away from me, tiny, perfect and fearless. As soon as I put the feeder back up, the hummingbird alit on the perch and enjoyed a quick meal, remaining still long enough for me to take a picture before flying off.

I may not have paid attention to the other miracles that took place in my life today, but I noticed this one.

One small grace via one tiny bird.

Keeping Faith When Expectations And Experiences Disagree

I don't know why some things don't play out the way I expect. The fact is, they often don't.

Sometimes, things turn out to be far grander, richer and joyous than I expected. Sometimes, they turn out to be more meager, painful and disappointing.

My experience is not so different from that of anyone else I know. After all, we say, "Life has its ups and downs."

I'm in one of those passages at present. Things were not as I expected in a certain situation, and I'm confused by the muddying of what seemed so clear. I also don't have any idea what the next right thing to do might be. In the meantime, I am questioning my decisions leading up to this situation.

I have learned a big lesson already involving my personal journey into living with authenticity and how that might look a lot different for me than the way some other people would like it to look. I am made in God's image, not anyone else's. My life should look the way God envisions it. Even I can be confused about what THAT looks like, but I can see what fits and what doesn't.

I'd really appreciate some clarity here, but this remodeling of my life is right on time. A spiritual director told me, when I was in my 20s, that God sends along a crisis of some sort every 7 years, and that it happens so that God can clear up our misunderstandings and lead us into a deeper knowledge of what is true for us. Well, I'm turning 56 in a couple of months, so I'm ending my 8th cycle of 7-year periods with a bang!

And you know what? It's all right. It's all perfect. Even if it is embarrassing, even if it is confusing, even if it is unclear or makes no sense at all. It's all right.

I am 8 cycles closer to living my life fully than I was when I started! There are things I have learned that have held true. I welcome this new season. I'm not sure what my life will look like, but I am sure it doesn't look like it once did, and that's a good thing.

I'll just keep faith and hope to coast for a year or so after this latest shake-up is done.

Blessings,
David

Rest In Peace, Fr. Grimes

Msgr. Ken Grimes stepped fully into the Kingdom of God on October 15, 2011, certainly welcomed by the phrase, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

He was a man of integrity and warmth, and in a difficult moment in my life offered deeply compassionate and wise ministry to me.

There is great power in one little grace.

Blessings,
David

We Are Fragile, Like Spider Webs

In my area of northern California, spiders are plentiful. Frequently I step outside to find magnificent webs spanning the landscaping.

Sometimes, I don't see them until I have had that unsettling experience of walking through them.

Recently, a friend had a strong reaction to an off-handed comic observation that I made about a company that changed its customer service procedures to a less user-friendly protocol. Her response seemed to me to be stronger than was called for by the comment, and I felt judged, demeaned and censored as a result.

Perhaps we walked through each other's webs.

I have no great moral adage with which to end this post, only a renewed appreciation for how delicate we all are, and a reminder to keep that in my awareness.

Blessings!
David

"Indifferent to the Problem"

I was grabbing some leftovers for lunch, and I decided to take a break and watch a bit of TV while I ate. I turned on PBS, and the show "A Place of Our Own" was on. A panel was discussing ways to interest young children in science.

Bill Nye, "The Science Guy," was a member of the panel and as the discussion closed, he remarked about how he loved to watch bees when he was child. He said they were amazing, "they fly straight up, they fly backwards, indifferent to the problem."

"Indifferent to the problem." What a phrase!

Too often when faced with a challenge, we believe we can't solve it because we are too involved with the problem, either emotionally or as a participant in its formulation, or both.

Albert Einstein's said, "You can't solve a problem at the level of the problem," and I think Bill Nye has offered a keen insight into the solution process. Become indifferent to the problem. Then, you can think through solutions logically, explore options, be creative. You are no longer tied to one side of the = sign.

Blessings,
David

Am I God's facebook friend?

"Devotion is neither private nor public prayer, but prayers whether private or public are particular parts or instances of devotion. Devotion signifies a life given or devoted to God."

These words open Anglican priest William Law's 1729 book "A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life." It may be awhile before I get to Paragraph 2!

I respect writers like Fr. Henri Nouwen or Fr. Law who can stop me with a few words and send me into a universe of contemplation.

Fr. Law describes a life given to God, not just parts of it. A life. In George Lucas' Star Wars trilogy, the wise character Yoda says to his pupil Luke Skywalker the famous line, "No 'try.' Only 'Do.'" Similarly, Fr. Law is saying, "No 'part.' Only 'Life.'"

Do I trust God sufficiently to offer all of my life, every second, including every juicy mistake and selfish action? Am I that devoted?

Is it a matter of devotion or a matter of trust?

What happens when God sees who I truly am, which of course is the case although my ego believes otherwise?

Do I really offer to God the unpolished parts? Do I really offer to God the secrets, the shame, the failure, the addiction, the longing, the confusion? Will God be shocked, offended, disappointed, unable to cope, unwilling to love?

This then becomes how I determine if I am a devotee or a follower, a disciple or a fan, God's facebook friend or God's true servant: am I willing to devote every moment to God, reserving nothing, entirely as-is.

If I am, then God gets free reign to use me any moment, every moment. I give God all-area access to my life to influence, repair, heal and nurture it with pure love.

If not, then I am a part-timer.

Which is always an option.

But is different from being devoted.

Blessings,
David

How Is The Temple?

Are you taking good care of you?

Blessings,
David