The Illusion of Final

I had a tough training run today. The first three or four miles were all right, but after that, I was struggling. I've run the distance and the terrain before, but you would never know that from today's experience. In fact, I've often run further. I was slightly over eight miles into my 10 mile run when I began to weave back and forth and realized I was "bonking." I didn't have the reserves to continue. I felt physically spent. I sat down, exhausted. My running partner Warren was having a strong day, and was well up the final hill when I sat at the foot of it. My other running partner Jessi came back to where I was and asked if I was all right. I said I was; I just had bonked and felt wasted. She said, "Are you sure? You're almost there." I asked for help standing up, and made my way to a nearby bench in the shade. I knew I would be OK, and encouraged her to finish her run. She left and I recovered in the shade for a few minutes with her question echoing in my head. Am I sure I'm finished? Am I OK with stopping this close to my goal? Am I sure I'm finished? Did I really want to end this run at this point? Am I sure I'm finished? As I regained my strength, I realized the answer was, "No. I'm not finished. I only have a mile and three-quarters left. I don't need to run it at top speed, but I need to finish it because I can." I dialed Warren on my cell phone to let him know of my decision and the route I would be taking. I topped the hill and a little at a time began to run toward my goal. No one would have mistaken me for Usain Bolt during that last segment. My best pace was a lively jog. But it was not my intention to set a speed record. It was my intention to finish. Warren and Jessi doubled back and ran with me while I finished the last mile. I told Jessi that it was her comment, "Are you sure? You're almost there," that made the difference. As teammates, we encourage each other and affirm each other's success. I knew I was supported 100% whether I continued or stopped short. I also knew if I could finish, I must finish. This is not some macho code of honor; this is simply having integrity and learning what the day and the trail want to teach. I have learned over the past 10 months of endurance running training that I have not come close to completely tapping my reserves. I have learned more and more that I have reserves to tap. I have learned that I am loved and supported, not just by my friends, but by strangers in the running community who call out encouragement as they pass. At the end of the run, I had gone 10.25 miles before I switched off my performance tracker. After that, I probably walked another 1/3 of a mile. What mattered was not that I did not do so well as a trail runner, or that I had to regroup a couple of times physically along the way. What mattered was that when I was almost there, and no one was going to judge me for the decision I made, the only decision I could make was to finish. Today, I learned there is a difference between giving all and giving up.

The Power of Will

The popular belief is that we only use 10% of our brain. I have heard this is a misconception; actually the other 90% is used for processing functions. Either way, there is always more "brain power" available. As an endurance runner, I am learning about the power of will. My training today involved running a mile uphill at a sustained high heart rate (between 140-155 bpm; my resting pulse is 51, and my comfortable running zone is 130-135). Occasionally it would fall to 139 or 138, and I had to push as much psychologically as physically to force it back up into the 140+ range. Bodies in motion do not necessarily want to stay in motion! When I am feeling spent, it is hard to summon the will to hit the accelerator. However, that is when I begin to appreciate how powerful the will is. I am exercising it as much as my legs and lungs and heart. I can be stubborn, but not necessarily strong-willed. Now I am learning how to be strong-willed. The will is powerful, and I suspect employing even 10% would be amazing. Nothing I have done in my life has taught me about the will quite like endurance running. At first the only will that seemed related to endurance running was the one dividing my estate, because on some of those initial double-digit training runs, I was pretty sure I needed to keep it up-to-date! Now the other will is involved, the force within. And yes, my heart rate averaged 142 on that uphill run. That's the power of will.