And to all, a good night!

I'm at the church, where I am hosting an open-attendance meeting for persons dealing with depression in themsleves or someone close to them.

There is no "average" number of attendees, and a week prior to Christmas, I have no way to know who might show up.

I made some chocolate chip cookies, and have coffee and hot water for tea prepared. The condiments, plates and napkins are on the table with the cookies.

Tonight I feel like my work as a priest is to be prepared for the guest(s) who may call, like the biblical virgins keeping their lamps full of oil in order to be ready when the groom arrives.

If someone shows up, then my work as a priest is to love them. First, though, my work is to be ready.

Jesus Asleep on my Boat

I have been reading "The Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux." Chapter 8 begins with a passage about the day she professed her final vows to become a Carmelite nun, an event for which she longed for years.

She wrote: "Now I must tell you about my retreat for Profession. Far from eperiencing any consolation, complete aridity - desolation, almost - was my lot. Jesus was asleep in my little boat as usual. How rarely souls let Him sleep peacefully within them. Their agitation and all their requests have so tired out the Good Master that He is only too glad to enjoy the rest I offer Him."

This passage turns the "dark night of the soul" on its head for me! Sometimes I feel like God is absent. Now I can just think, "Jesus is just asleep in my little boat. Get some rest, Jesus, and I'll wake You when I really need You!"

(Nonetheless, I am glad that the Ignatian Retreat I took just before professing my vows as a priest was FULL of consolation!!)

Run Your Own Race

My friend Ray told me a story of driving with a wise friend riding along. When other drivers would do discourteous things, Ray would rant. His friend simply said, "Drive your own car, Ray."

Last Saturday, I did not meet my marathon-prep training goals. However, I did learn some important lessons! That is part of training, too: that sometimes the session is about what you learn, whether you met the goal or not.

I had been engaged in an easy run, sort of a trot, with some other runners who have been training a bit longer than I have. We were conversing as we went. Eventually, I ran out of steam and walked to recover.

My coach came alongside and suggested I finish the distance by doing brief "intervals," where there is a short, light run, followed by an equally distant walk in order to allow recovery time.

I did as he recommended, and I remembered what my stepgrandson Chet said to me: "Count your breaths, not your steps." So I began to focus on my breath and by doing so began to breathe more deeply. This rush of oygen fueled me back up, and my intervals became a little longer each time. I didn't want to push it, but I was curious to see how my improved breathing would affect my conditioning.

Today, I enjoyed a more successful training session. I met coach's goals for me, and my breathing was greatly improved and more efficient.

When Saturday rolls around, I will know that chatting with my fellow runners is probably not optimal for me, at least at this point. That is OK. They may be able to run and chat, but doing so causes me to breathe shallow breaths. I have learned I have to run my own race.

I am making some changes in my life to honor the ministry call I have heard. There are some things I need to drop, and I have resisted doing that because I don't want to let anyone else down or be a disappointment.

Fulfilling other people's expectations is a good way to stay busy, and what I have been doing is noble enough, but it is not related to my call, and the people I am called to serve go unserved as a result.

There will be some disappointed people when I withdraw from doing that which is not mine to do. Sorry! I truly am! I wish I could do it all! But, I have to run my own race.

The Holy Spirit comes alongside me to encourage and direct me, coaching my soul on its path the same way my running coach coaches my steps on the trail.

I do not run alone. None of us do. And yet, each of us is called to run our own race.

Thank You, God

Thank You, God,
not only for the moments I noticed,
but for the times You blessed me anyway.

Thank You, God,
not only for the things accomplished today,
but for the moments You loved through me.

Thank You, God,
for every miracle overlooked,
but not unappreciated.

Amen.

Unless You Become as a Little Child

We went Christmas carolling tonight in a neighborhood that really does it up with the decorations. People come from all around to see these two streets.

Two young children were jumping up and down with happiness after one of the songs. They were probably 3 or 4 years old.

I mentioned to the little girl that I liked her shoes, which lit up when she jumped. The little boy stomped his to show me his lit up too, but they were worn out and required a lot of force to trigger the lights.

"My shoes don't work," he said, dejectedly.

"Your shoes don't have to work, because the light inside you shines brightly already!" I said.

"Yeah, OK," he said and moved on.

He was so matter-of-fact about it, it didn't seem like a dismissal, just a "tell me something I don't know" reply.

You, gentle reader. don't need flashy shoes either. Your light shines!

Jesus said, "A city set on a hill cannot be hidden," and reminded us not to hide our light under a bushel.

Let your light shine!

The Good Race

I have often heard 2 Timothy 4:7 quoted:

“I have fought the good fight; I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.”

There is another racing metaphor in Galatians 5:6b-8, though that I missed:

“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.”

This morning I joined my friends for our weekly team run. We are training for a 10K run in March and a marathon in May. Many years, counted in decades, have passed since I was a runner, and I harvested a huge crop of couch potatoes in the meanwhile. The trip from apathetic spud to athletic stud does not happen overnight!

It does happen the moment I set that intention in motion, and it happens with every footfall along the track or trail. It happens with the strength of others who encourage me, whether they are running alongside me or cheering from the sidelines.

I have not met all of my training goals, although just to be training is on overarching goal that I have met! I have not allowed an unmet goal to dissuade me, though. I’ve only been back at it for a week. This was my fourth training session. The goal was a 4 mile run; I made it 2.5 then finished with intervals of jogging and walking. I went the distance, though, and appreciated the significance of what I had accomplished. I know that every day I train moves me forward, and I only need do what is in front of me today.

My coach talked to me just after I ran out of gas and needed to walk to recover. He suggested after I recovered that instead of running or walking the rest of the way, I should employ interval training for short distances. Pick a spot 20 yards away and run to that, then walk to the next spot, and then run another twenty. Choose something to run toward, rather than just running.

I know all about breaking large objectives into smaller goals, but at that moment, I needed someone to remind me to do it. By grace, I didn’t arrogantly think, “I know that already!” Instead, I thought, felt, and said, “Thanks, coach!”

I had a kidney yanked out when I was two years old, and because of the danger of injuring the other, I was forbidden from playing team sports in school. I never had a coach before.

Now I’m 56 and for the first time, I’m training with a coach. I’m also surrounded by others who lift my spirits. Warren, who has been training about a month longer than me, is able to pass me by, but he said a sincere, “Looking good!” as he did. Deana was teaching me a Chinese affirmation she says while running. And so it goes, good words all around.

To borrow from the Galatians quote, “no one cut in on me” with aspersions to keep me from the race. No one said, “You can’t do this!” or, “Getting tired, yet?” Instead it was, "Looking good!" and the Chinese for "I am connected to the super-abundant energy all around me..." (I need remedial work to remember it eactly, but at the time it helped!)

In our walk run of faith it is important to listen only to the voice of eternal truth, just as in any endeavor, we need to be attentive to those who support us at every step. Our all-loving God who calls us does not mock or discourage us. God cheers us on, saying, “Look at my child run! Isn’t that a magnificent sight?!”

So, don’t let anyone else cut in on you. Run your good race, my friends!!!!

A Real Page Turner

I think I'll read a thousand-page novel and everyday before I read the new page, I will re-read all the pages before it.

Obviously, I'll get bogged down, but I really like revisiting the past.

Just a thought.

Difficult People in a Church? Who Knew?!

In his 1974 book "Models of the Church," Cardinal Avery Dulles described the five ways people view their church. When I read this book in theology school back in the 80's, it strongly impressed me and still does.

However, 30 years of ministry since that time have convinced me there is a sixth model. Perhaps this folds into one of his models, Institution, and re-reading the book is in order. However, for tonight, I am going to set these thoughts down without revisiting the text. Bear with me, I'm dipping into a memory that is 30 years old and covered with much newer material!

To paraphrase Cardinal Dulles unfairly, he pointed out that people see the church as Community (a place to belong); Herald (a place to proclaim the Good News), Institution (a place to be baptized, married and buried); Sacrament (a place to experience the mystical Presence of God); or Servant (a place to reach out to those in need and perform the cardinal works of mercy).

I believe these are all true, and I have used the acronym CHISS for three decades in order to remember them and share them with people who don't understand why not everyone feels like their church should be only one of these things.

What I have found is that there are those who seek the church to be a Status Symbol. These are the people who identify their worth by their position in the assembly, the ones who are the most threatened by change. Their motto is "This place would collapse without me," but their reality is, "I would collapse without this place." They stir the pot and wield influence within a small band of followers, with only their own needs in mind.

Jesus often dealt with these status seekers in the Gospels. They were the merchants selling sacrificial animals and changing money at the Temple, they were the "white-washed tombs full of dead men's bones." They were the "sons of thunder" wanting to sit on His right and His left. They are nothing new to the church.

If we do not acknowledge they exist, though, and that they see the church only as a place to enlarge their egos, we are always going to be in for a big surprise when they turn up.

A friend once told me he never patronized businesses that advertised their Christianity because his experience was they inevitably deceived him in their practices. This is probably not true of every business with a fish symbol in its ad, but there are probably some among them for whom membership in the Jesus club is a status symbol.

I marvel at how Jesus continued to focus on His ministry when even among His disciples, the status seekers were jockeying for position and attention.

Lord, help me to understand what You knew.

The Heaven of the Soul

In her autobiography, "The Story of a Soul," St. Therese of Lisieux writes:

"Our Lord does not come from Heaven every day to stay in a golden ciborium; He comes to find another heaven, the heaven of our soul in which He loves to dwell."

I love the way this image portrays the dignity of our souls, how Jesus dwells within them and they become "another heaven."

All too often we have no idea how deeply we are loved by God.