Of Hummingbirds and Heaven

Today, I stepped onto the back porch to refill our hummingbird feeder, which had dwindled to about half-full. As soon as I took it down and turned it over to refill it, a little green hummingbird zoomed in from seemingly out of nowhere and hovered expectantly, as if saying both, "Hurry up!" and "Dibs!"

It was only about a foot away from me, tiny, perfect and fearless. As soon as I put the feeder back up, the hummingbird alit on the perch and enjoyed a quick meal, remaining still long enough for me to take a picture before flying off.

I may not have paid attention to the other miracles that took place in my life today, but I noticed this one.

One small grace via one tiny bird.

Keeping Faith When Expectations And Experiences Disagree

I don't know why some things don't play out the way I expect. The fact is, they often don't.

Sometimes, things turn out to be far grander, richer and joyous than I expected. Sometimes, they turn out to be more meager, painful and disappointing.

My experience is not so different from that of anyone else I know. After all, we say, "Life has its ups and downs."

I'm in one of those passages at present. Things were not as I expected in a certain situation, and I'm confused by the muddying of what seemed so clear. I also don't have any idea what the next right thing to do might be. In the meantime, I am questioning my decisions leading up to this situation.

I have learned a big lesson already involving my personal journey into living with authenticity and how that might look a lot different for me than the way some other people would like it to look. I am made in God's image, not anyone else's. My life should look the way God envisions it. Even I can be confused about what THAT looks like, but I can see what fits and what doesn't.

I'd really appreciate some clarity here, but this remodeling of my life is right on time. A spiritual director told me, when I was in my 20s, that God sends along a crisis of some sort every 7 years, and that it happens so that God can clear up our misunderstandings and lead us into a deeper knowledge of what is true for us. Well, I'm turning 56 in a couple of months, so I'm ending my 8th cycle of 7-year periods with a bang!

And you know what? It's all right. It's all perfect. Even if it is embarrassing, even if it is confusing, even if it is unclear or makes no sense at all. It's all right.

I am 8 cycles closer to living my life fully than I was when I started! There are things I have learned that have held true. I welcome this new season. I'm not sure what my life will look like, but I am sure it doesn't look like it once did, and that's a good thing.

I'll just keep faith and hope to coast for a year or so after this latest shake-up is done.

Blessings,
David

Rest In Peace, Fr. Grimes

Msgr. Ken Grimes stepped fully into the Kingdom of God on October 15, 2011, certainly welcomed by the phrase, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

He was a man of integrity and warmth, and in a difficult moment in my life offered deeply compassionate and wise ministry to me.

There is great power in one little grace.

Blessings,
David